A personal blog transitioning into an exploration of the intersection of design, technology and ethics
No, we’re a patriotic bunch here in Blighty. Stiff upper lip and all that, what! But in motorsport we’re not known for our pomp. Just gets in the way of the Castrol, I say!
However, in deference to our glorious yet ultimately powerless leader, something had to be done:
The first event you ever do is a great experience. Don’t make yourself sick with worry, and ignore the people making fun of you and suggesting you’ll go out in a big ball of flames or similar! Accidents, in particular serious ones, are rare in sprints and hillclimbs, and if you take it easy while you learn they shouldn’t become a problem for you. At the end of the day, you’re doing this for fun!
You may have already read my article on competing in your first hillclimb or sprint. This gives you the lowdown on how to prepare yourself and your car.
To enter an event you’ll probably have been sent an entry form by your club or championship – however, not all clubs send out entry forms and you may need to download them from their website.
Once you’ve entered an event you’ll generally receive what are called the ‘final instructions’ for the event. These will show the entry list, information about times things happen at the event, and depending on the club there’ll be other information such as where you can park, places to stay, what facilities will be on site, and so on.
Most events have their driver’s briefing at about 9am. Personally I like to arrive by 8am so that I’ve had plenty of time to find my bits and pieces, fix my numbers on, sign on and maybe enjoy a cup of tea. I don’t think it’s good to be stressed or in a rush at a motorsport, especially your first one.
Once you’ve unloaded your car (if it’s on a trailer) you’ll generally need to sign-on before your car is scrutineered. For signing on you’ll need your race license, club and championship membership cards and a warm smile. Don’t forget that if you want to upgrade your license for higher level events you’ll need to leave your license with the stewards for the day, and collect it at the end.
Now, the scrutineers are busy at this time of day so it’s a good idea to be as nice to them as possible – most cars will have something minor which may generally be unimportant but if you annoy the scrutineer he can usually make your morning difficult! These guys are volunteers and have to be up very early to do their job…. They check your car for safety, looking for anything that could hinder rescue if the worst happens, that could hurt you, or that could fail and cause an accident. They’re also looking to see if you’ve followed the rules. One of my tips for making scrutineering painless is to make the engine bay of your car as clean as possible – if it’s badly presented they’re more likely to go looking for problems.
Once the scrutineer is happy (and usually they are!) he will give you a sticker for your car which shows it’s been checked. Place this somewhere easily visible like the top of your dashboard, door sill or roll bar. You won’t be allowed to compete without this sticker.
Depending on the event and club, there will usually be a drivers briefing, and there will always be one for new competitors. This will usually cover any peculiar aspects to the way the event is run, as well as advice on tricky parts of the course. There may be an additional briefing if you’re new to the venue.
And now you’re ready to compete!
This is, of course, what you’ve come for. First of there’ll usually be two practice runs during which you can assess the layout of the course. You may as well take it easy during these runs as the most important thing is learning where you can go quickly and not actually going quickly! Setting a record time isn’t important.
When your class is called out it will usually be announced over the tannoy. A steward may also arrive to usher you out. At most events it helps if the cars are in numerical order when lining up ahead of the start. Again, stewards tend to assist, but do what you can. Drive slowly in the paddock, get in order, and watch for instructions. Normally you’ll have the ability to follow a car in front, which can help.
At this point nerves may start to kick in. But do your best to relax. At the same time, try to visualise the circuit as best you can. As cars leave you’ll move forward in your queue. This time is also good for warming up your engine.
As you reach the front you’ll find yourself approaching the tyre warming/cleaning area just ahead of the start line. Here you can spin your tyres and brake hard in order to warm up those tyres and clean off any muck acquired in the paddock. Given that some paddocks can be pretty dusty or muddy this is surprisingly important. Give the tyres a good spin if you can, and then break hard. If you have enough space you can do it again. Be careful to stop before the end of the warming area.
Now, as the tension builds, you’ll move forward to the start line. The start line marshalls will gesture you forward and, once approximately in place, you will depress the clutch so the marshalls can line you up with your strut just breaking a timing beam. A second beam, just an inch or so ahead, will trigger the start of the clock.
In front of you now there’s usually a red light or board. Once the course is ready you will then always get a signal to Go! It’s often a green light, but may just be an electronically controlled green board. You can then leave in your own time. The clock won’t start until you break the second light beam. If you have a dragging clutch it may be beneficial to leave right away anyhow as your car might have moved forward slightly and started the clock.
And start! Do those first practice runs, check out the course, and then come back to the paddock. At most hillclimbs and some sprints you’ll be held in a holding area as you need to use part of the course to return. It’s important to complete one practice run or you won’t be allowed to compete. If your car can be run in different layouts (eg, a removable hardtop) then you should compete in both if you want to have a choice – unless you have agreement from your class rivals you can only compete in the state you practiced in.
Following practice there may be a break, quite possibly for lunch. It depends on the time and how the club runs its events.
This is where it gets exciting and the tension reaches its climax. You’ll have at least two or three competitive runs. At some events it’s not unknown for there to be as many as eight – but that’s rare. It’s also normal that only the first two or three timed runs actually count for awards.
So… the competitive runs are managed in exactly the same way as the practice runs. But this time it’s for real. I find that while waiting it’s useful to close my eyes and visualise my run along the course. This way I feel like I get more practice time. It’s hard to do, but I think it’s incredibly important and lets me become quicker, sooner.
Between each run I think it’s important to check over the car, even if only visually. It’s especially important if you were rough over any kerbs, or left the circuit. Look for anything that might have come loose in the engine bay (at my first event the battery went flying into radiator!) and give the tyres a visual check. I don’t believe in too much fussing, but do what works for you. It’s also a good time to chat with your rivals – most are friendly at these events but there’s a ribaldry and joshing in there too… don’t take all advice and joking too seriously. Especially if it’s from Gary Thomas!* If someone says a certain corner is flat out then it may well be for them, in their car – but it might not be for you. Find your own limits.
Don’t get too excited – there’s no money in this part! Some awards are nice and well worth showing, some are a bit tacky. But no matter what, that first time you receive a cup, plaque or strangely shaped piece of stone will be in your memory for ever. Most events give prizes down to third place in each class, but it does often depend on the turnout. Usually this is described in the regulations.
And now, completely tired, you can go home. Or if it’s a weekend event, go and party with fellow competitors, get drunk, and try to compete the next day with a hangover!
* Sorry Gary – couldn’t resist ;-)
I thought that it would be useful to create a checklist of items that are essential for a Sprint or Hillclimb. If I’ve missed anything out, or you think there’s more to add, please let me know.
To avoid forgetting things, I usually try and stick to a particular routine the night before an event – laying out everything that I need on the lounge floor, ready to be quickly packed into the car in the morning. Going to bed at a certain time, and knowing exactly what I need to do in the morning can also help stop me getting stressed or rushed.
* Not a pitbull – they’re different and hairier.
Welcome to our site – it’s taken a lot of work to get this far and…
…hang on, let me just check the site’s still up. Oh I’d better save this file just in case. Hang on. Right where was I? Oh yes, we’re trying to do a lot of work here to help folk who… wait a minute, I think I can hear a hot water tap running I’ll just check it. Ah it’s ok. Right, so we’re a self help group of people with obsessive compulsive disorder (ocd) who want to help each other through the… oh wait a minute… Christ! I’ve left the iron on! No I haven’t! Yes I have!
Ok, if you’ve come to this site via the usual route, you’ll be wondering what the heck is going on.
Basically we were sat watching a trailer for the very funny Catherine Tate Show and she made a gag about obsessives who should log on to http://www.christivelefttheironon.co.uk/noihavent/yesihave
And well, James and I were wondering if the domain had been registered. The computer was just there you know…so we had no choice but to check – and it was available! We couldn’t resist and, for the princely sum of a fiver, we had a shiny new domain!
Then, erm, what were we going to do with it?! And I realised, it shouldn’t be difficult to record the entry url – I’d simply redirect the domain to this post here that you’re reading now, and see what happens.
So – here’s the gig. Suggest how many people are sad enough to log on to a domain they’ve heard on the TV. After the show has aired (anyone know when it will be?) I will reveal the web stats to all. There may even be a prize in it – I dunno, a souvenir or something. Maybe it could be like when I listened to Radio Kiev on my shortwave radio as a kid and got excited by their offer of a “selection of Kiev souvenirs” for anyone who reported their signal strength.
No bets are being taken on how many people are sad enough to actually register a domain they’ve heard on the TV – that’s just two. James and Me.
PS. I wanted to add the links to the official site and to some products not just because I’m shamelessly commercial, but as a way of thanking Catherine Tate for all the traffic I might get. Not that I’m sure there’ll be much traffic, but let’s see….
PPS. The show returns to our screens on BBC 2 at 9pm on Thursday 26th October! Watch it and wait for the url. Perhaps we could also bet when it’s used in the show? Any takers?
PPPS. Added July 2014: This page has been consistently popular on my site and is always about the second most popular each month. For eight years! Well done all. And here’s the actual clip (may disappear):
| I’m guessing a series of ads on BBC1 has just caused all these comments – it’s taking on a life of it’s own! Anyway, to give you a clue, tonight alone (Monday 16th October 2006) there have been some 170 people almost, but not quite, as sad as me! Keep on coming – it’s fun to be sad :o) |
Incredible! I’ve just migrated the website across from the Yahoo server to our own server in the UK. Total outage time of less than half an hour. Incredible. Could have been better but Yahoo! don’t allow you to detach your domain from your hosting package without closing down your hosting. Still, it’s done now.
The key advantage should be that all users in Europe should see a dramatic improvement in performance. US users will see a bit of a slow-down. As visitors (nearly 5,000 a month now!) are spread around the globe it shouldn’t make much difference on average, but for me, the person who has to write the content, the site will be much quicker to use as I’m usually in Europe. Therefore updates should be just that little bit easier and quicker for me. Yay! I’m one very happy bunny….
Now to sort out the e-mail accounts. I just added the ‘almost’ bit to the headline as I’ve discovered that accented letters, and some commas, have been corrupted in the migration. Encoding issue somewhere, darn it. Bit of a case of the cobbler’s children here, because had I been doing this professionally it’s the kind of thing I’d have carefully checked for. But it’s my personal site, so of course I paid it no attention at all. Oh well! Some nifty SQL coming up, I think.
| Test of tables with new editor | |
| Good heavens! It works | Really quite well |
| Though sizing isn’t as easy as in Word | It’s not bad |
This is one that’s been sat on my hard disk for years, and I’m uploading it partly to supply it to someone on cix who’s asking for a higher quality version.
So there’s a streamed version from the good people at Youtube, and a better one that’s linked to below which you can download and view at a higher resolution.
As for the video – well what I can say, but it’s just a case of what those crazy Polish engineers get up to when nobody’s watching.
I’m no fan of gruesome videos, but sometimes they’re necessary because otherwise we forget just what can go wrong and fail to plan for the worst. In the UK at least marshalls are some of the best – this is what happens when the marshalls aren’t well trained.
When I first saw this accident I felt sick. However, I didn’t see the subsequent marshalling and safety disaster. Once I saw the full video, and learned that the driver, Tetsuya Ota had survived and recovered then I decided it would make a good instructive video.
It took another driver to actually attend to Ota, which is one shock. The other was that people were standing around and completely failing to deal with the injured Ferrari driver.
Marshalls are hugely appreciated by the competitors – especially in Britain where we know that marshalls are well trained, professional, and devoted to their sport. They really are the stars that make our sport possible.
If you have a nervous disposition I recommend you don’t view the video:
I question the validity of any sport that involves early morning starts. Sadly that seems to include most of them, so at 5am I woke up, startled myself by spotting a grumpy looking animal staring back at me from my mirror, and bumbled out of the door to drag my trailer to somewhere in Nottinghamshire. Somewhere that I wasn’t too certain of how I’d find it, but thanks to the wonders of sat-nav and Stuart Tranter – fellow competitor who was out to enjoy a day on the other side of the safety fencing – I reckoned we’d stand a chance of making it.
And we managed it with a mere three u-turns and one sandwich stop. Incredible!
Arriving in the early morning mist it struck me that it was a truly beautiful location, set amongst parkland that fringes Sherwood Forest I was impressed as the hall loomed large over the paddock. I had a little more trouble when it came to parking, however, as the Saab’s tyres are pretty much at the end of their life and geared towards sports driving – not towing a trailer off-road. Thoresby isn’t blessed with a nice tarmac paddock, and while grass is pretty it’s not easy to tow on when wet.
After inadvertantly trying to rip the number plate off the Lotus while unloading we were all set for the day. Thanks to Gary Thomas, Stuart and others for their help in saving my number plate. A shame that they weren’t watching when I loaded up at the end of the day… Still, the Elise looks nicer without a front number plate, so it can stay off…. If anyone knows where I can get one of those neat stick on plates, please let me know.
The track itself is short and incredibly tight, with three first gear corners and two chicanes. All corners are also marked with barrels topped by tennis balls – for each ball you knock off you lose a second. I did wonder whether it’d be worthwhile simply barging through the barrels and accepting the points, but in the end I settled against it as not being in the spirit of the competition. More to the point, it might scratch the car even more than it already is!
The class was a specific Elise class with four entries. I had to do well to stand a chance of winning the Liverpool and Chester Championship where I was runner-up last year. I needed Andrew Dobson to either do very badly or drop out, and I had to score 98 points or more. In other words, I needed to be have a competitive time wherever I came – you get 100 points for second, 100+your lead for first, and 100-your difference to second for third.
First practice didn’t go too well when I stopped at the corner called Fiveways. I learned why it’s called this and couldn’t work out which of the five ways to take. No, of course I hadn’t walked the course before practice – that would have involved getting out of bed even earlier…. Thankfully one of the marshalls charmingly gave me some directions and I set off in the right direction.
Second practice… slightly quicker, but I was still miles off the pace set by Gary Thomas and Fred Simcox Jr. I didn’t expect to win here, but I wanted a competitive, brisk time. Which is a shame really looking at my next two competitive times – both two seconds off the pace around the 56s mark while the others were running around 54s times. I looked set for around 98 points, but Andrew cheerfully got around the awkward slow corners (they can be problematic for single-seater race cars) and I knew then that I’d come second in the championship, whatever happened. Sadly I couldn’t find Andrew before leaving so I couldn’t congratulate him. I’ll say it now instead – well done Andrew!
In the meantime I had one last run to complete. I wanted to set a respectable time – more for my own pride than anything else. And I gunned it. I was delighted to set a 54.62 – only 0.6s off the fastest pace. But it was a close class and it left me in third place behind Gary and Fred. But for a first visit I was reasonably content with my efforts… just such a shame that I then got awarded a 1s penalty for knocking one of those tennis balls off, resulting in my time becoming a 55.62. Well done to Gary for his first place and Fred in second, and Martyn who’s new to Elises did great with a neat 57.17 to take fourth place.
So not the best placing ever for me, but a jolly good day out in beautiful surroundings. Next time I’ll take the camcorder and record the track for posterity.
A double whammy for you all this week! Two videos of Thrust SSC breaking the sound barrier.
Andy Green… the man with the biggest cojones on the planet. But even he doesn’t sound cool in one of these videos as he finds that driving a car at supersonic speeds is both difficult and scary.
Respect.
The record was set on October 15th 1997 at Black Rock Desert, with the project managed by the previous record holder, Richard Noble.
Sometimes you want to see just one clip. Sometimes you want to sit back on the sofa with a bucket of popcorn. This is just the clip for you then!
Slight lateness to this posting, so how about an absolute monster of a video for your delectation?
This one lasts one and a half hours and is absolutely packed with crashes, mishaps and near misses. Some aren’t necessarily in the best taste but given the size of the compilation I think it’s a must have for anyone who enjoys this kind of thing.
Spare a thought though for the drivers, navigators and engineers who give all this entertainment. They spend a lot of time and money and rarely receive anything in return from their sport, in spite of often huge risks. Then there’s the marshalls who make sure it can all happen by providing great safety support. Behind the scenes are another group of volunteers who run everything, again without remuneration.
Next week I’ll post a more thoughtful video!
